Wow LITS. That's pretty dysfunctional even for JWs. What a bunch of jerks. I guess I'm way too much of a hothead because if an elder or anyone spoke to my wife that way, I'd have a private (so it would not have the required 2 witnesses) "conversation" with him warning him that if he so much as looked at you again, an ass whipping would be coming his way.
I'm sorry you've had to deal with such things in the past and understand your bitterness. At some point, such bad behavior is going to come home to roost.